wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
