How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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