I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
