I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
