does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
