i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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