I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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