Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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