if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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