someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
This is my life. Enjoy the view
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
