Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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