on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
