I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
