Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
