You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
