"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
