why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
