The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
