Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
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