The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
