I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
