Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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