I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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