fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I came so hard my ears popped.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
