He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
