I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
