what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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