i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
