I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
