Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
