Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
