I'm gonna have a badass scar
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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