i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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