I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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