i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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