Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
