How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
