If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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