Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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