if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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