just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
