I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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