Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He better not be in your backpack
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
