Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
