I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
nut hugger
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
