My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
