Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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