Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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