I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
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