This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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