Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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