My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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