what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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