Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
