Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
