i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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