Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
